The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
