So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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