Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
