Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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