he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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