that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
