That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
