I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
