How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
