Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
