I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
