What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just pynch a tree in the face
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
