My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
