on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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