if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
