Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
