She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Can I color on your dick again?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
