i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
