she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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