Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
