dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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