Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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