Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
