Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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