Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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