I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize