Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize