I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Come on in and take your pants off
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