Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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