You just made me feel so damn special
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
