Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
