I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
