we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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