why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
