he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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