wakey wakey hands off snakey
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
