Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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