Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i will never coherently bang her
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize