hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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