Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
