Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize