remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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