Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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