It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
