i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize