I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
