Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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