I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
