Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize