I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
