I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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