i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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