Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
