4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
