matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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