Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
