I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
