her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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