you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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