we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
