i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
