You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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