my vag is so smooth its legendary
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
