omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
