Michael Bay diarrhea
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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