It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
how can u be prego again
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
