i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
