When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
