I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
