Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
