My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I skipped work to stalk him.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
