Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
