Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
