Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
