Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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