You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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