soooo we both peed the bed last night...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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