I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
