capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
